Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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