You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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