I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
