He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
