If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
