just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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