Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
