'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
