Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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