lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
