Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
