Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
