Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
