I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
