What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone says I win the strip club
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
