she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
