I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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