After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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