Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
