Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
