I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
