i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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