When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
