If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
