My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
