I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
