In the future we'll all be gay
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
