is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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