I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
