put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
