i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
