just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
