NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
