so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
