I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
