Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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