farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize