that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
