Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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