i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
