i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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