I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
