clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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