woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
