I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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