just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
