I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need a burrito and a hug.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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