Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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