It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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