dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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