My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
