Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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