you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
