Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
