It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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