I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
