now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the liver wants what the liver wants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
