I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
