dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
