I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
