Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
