Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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