I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
