there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
