wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
