doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
