The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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