sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize