I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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