Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
